My Will and My Grace

(8 months, 15 days)

I’m sorry I am a bit late with posting an entry this week.
I’ve been a bit swamped with life’s stories, and I was trying my best to be Miss Grace Under Pressure.
This seemed to be the week’s theme. Being graceful in both good and bad situations. Much like the 2010 Winter Olympics, where a gold winner like Lysacek is full of modest grace, while Plushenko whines to everyone who will listen about his "quadruple's" lost. Only we common folk don’t get gold, silver or even bronze.

In my life this translates to taking a deep breath while trying not to hang up on my mother.
Or trying not to yawn and appear interested at what some hack might poorly suggest to me at a work meeting. The thing is, I have been struggling with this gracefulness for awhile now. I think I am pretty good with the humility portion, even being self-deprecating to a fault. But when it comes to keeping my cool, I find it hard to stay calm. Instead, I get red with fury and my forehead wrinkles. The most grace I practice is the restrain I summon, in not jumping across the table and slapping someone.

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Yes, I am pretty bad at being grace under fire most times. So let me try getting a handle of this. Which really means being able to handle my emotions.

It’s no wonder really that I could also be a messy eater. While others look divine while they enjoy a meal, I swallow each bite full whole. I think it’s 12 years of working in advertising, being trained to have one hand on a forkful of salad, another on the computer trying to re-comp an ad that was just revised by a client and now account people are breathing down my neck. Aside for the obvious metaphor of not living in the moment, it’s also really bad for my health and weight, according to some French ladies who eat chocolate and stay thin–––and I know one of my good friends, Yao would agree (I am at dessert already, getting my bill and she's just on her third bite of her appetizer).

I wish to chew each bite full for a few minutes, while savoring that moment and sitting with such great posture, I look very poised while I’m at it (ok, I’ll settle for no crumbs on my chest and no hunching over a bowl of spaghetti).

(By the way, I have cheated 3x on that second cup of coffee this week. I needed the caffeine to just keep me going. I know I sound like a junkie. But I promise to make good on my promise.)