My Mission

I have decided to take you on a ride. As I spend the last year of my 30s, I will take you with me. That’s right. This year, I am 39. 3---9. Hard for me to say it without choking up. I hate admitting it, and I’d rather not think about it. But hey, isn’t it the new 29? Yeah right.

Mortified and in deep denial, I realized the best way for me to deal with this crisis is to face it head on. That if I were to grow older gracefully like many of the classy ladies I so admire (Lauren Hutton, Diane Lane, Diane Keaton), I better accept it. And I better hustle.

So I want to relish my 39th year by celebrating it as best as I could every day. I want to make each day purpose-driven. Of course deep down I will be horrified, fearful and depressed from time to time, but I really do want my 39th year to matter. Really matter. I am not discounting that I did manage to improve the last 2 decades. But somehow there was no urgency. I guess the saying, "Youth is wasted on the young" finally makes sense to me. I always thought I'd be that cool older lady...the one that doesn't sweat her age. But now that the big 4-0 is around the corner, I do feel some dampness on my forehead. WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING THE PAST 39 years?!!

Major or minor changes, they are all stuff that I’ve been carrying around with me for a long time. I just don't want that weight on me anymore. Because it's not about growing up and becoming oh so mature for me. What it is, is "me" growing better.

So at least every week, I will candidly share with you my adventures in attempting to become a better version of me. And as my birthday is November 5, I only have 9 months and 4 days left. By the time I am blowing 40 candles, I sure hope that aside from the fire extinguisher, I carry with me that confidence that I am yet to reach my prime.

Wish me luck.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Vanessa in Wonderland

(exactly 8 months to go)

The past few weeks I feel like I’ve been to hell and back.
If there was something to learn, it’s really important to practice composure in life, especially in the current business I am.

Because of my tendency to be a stickler for what I believe in and my passion for doing things right, I do end up being “reactive”. And frankly, it gets tiring. In my head, I hate hearing myself whine. So I think it’s time to wrangle myself in, and be proactive instead. This takes a lot of deep breathing and walking away from heightened moments sometimes. The truth is a lot of times, the best way to behave is to just do "nothing". Let life sort itself out. That actually by doing "nothing", we are often times, doing something good. An act I am not used to. A reaction that's novel to me and the most challenging for most of us.

One of the things that will help me visually remember this habit is a reading chair. Basically, I will carve myself a proper reading nook, or what might really be more specifically a “time off, gather myself, hear myself think" nook.

I purchased a rather beat up, cigarette burnt wingback, tufted chair a few weeks ago. It’s so dingy (and in a very groovy corduroy state), I couldn’t get myself to bring it straight home. So it’s been sitting at the antique shop, until I pick a fabric to have the old gentleman across re-upholster it for me.

Photobucket
(The Wonderchair)

I shall create a physical space where in I am safe.
A space where I can be still...where I can participate by not participating.
A place where I shall remain the captain of my own ship.
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2 comments:

  1. M CMarch 8, 2010 at 10:52 AM

    Make the chair either orange or a nice, soft leather! :)

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  2. UnknownMarch 9, 2010 at 8:50 PM

    That's great! I hope you actually use it and take the time out to "smell the roses" and just relax. Time already passes by sooo quickly that a little downtime will do you wonders! :D
    p.s. This chair not only reminded me of Alice but also of Carrie B! I'm not even sure if her chair looks like this one but I remember that she used it to relax too.

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