My 39th Symphony: The Morning After

My Mission

I have decided to take you on a ride. As I spend the last year of my 30s, I will take you with me. That’s right. This year, I am 39. 3---9. Hard for me to say it without choking up. I hate admitting it, and I’d rather not think about it. But hey, isn’t it the new 29? Yeah right.

Mortified and in deep denial, I realized the best way for me to deal with this crisis is to face it head on. That if I were to grow older gracefully like many of the classy ladies I so admire (Lauren Hutton, Diane Lane, Diane Keaton), I better accept it. And I better hustle.

So I want to relish my 39^th year by celebrating it as best as I could every day. I want to make each day purpose-driven. Of course deep down I will be horrified, fearful and depressed from time to time, but I really do want my 39th year to matter. Really matter. I am not discounting that I did manage to improve the last 2 decades. But somehow there was no urgency. I guess the saying, "Youth is wasted on the young" finally makes sense to me. I always thought I'd be that cool older lady...the one that doesn't sweat her age. But now that the big 4-0 is around the corner, I do feel some dampness on my forehead. WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING THE PAST 39 years?!!

Major or minor changes, they are all stuff that I’ve been carrying around with me for a long time. I just don't want that weight on me anymore. Because it's not about growing up and becoming oh so mature for me. What it is, is "me" growing better.

So at least every week, I will candidly share with you my adventures in attempting to become a better version of me. And as my birthday is November 5, I only have 9 months and 4 days left. By the time I am blowing 40 candles, I sure hope that aside from the fire extinguisher, I carry with me that confidence that I am yet to reach my prime.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Morning After

(5 months and 24 days)

Many times I have been stunted by my own preconceived notions and expectations. I am currently facing my own redefinition. And boy, the ride is bumpy.

A few loved ones reminded me last week that I need to be able to recognize the opportunities---even when they don't come perfectly wrapped, and accessorized.

Given the state of the economy, most people are having to mutate rapidly, looking for ways to transform themselves to stay relevant. And in my case especially, mid last year I set out for a goal and now I am finding myself many notches away. I realize now that I need to quickly reprogram my thinking. I should recognize "potential" when it presents itself. Or atleast be willing enough to say "hello" and have a fling with it (of course, this does not apply to drugs, or "bad news" boys).

I've been guilty of prematurely snuffing things out because all I could see were the negatives. When often times, blessings are in disguise. I want to train my heart and mind to see the good that comes my way and accentuate the positive.

I want to see a vision of the AFTER, before I get scared of the BEFORE.

(Wonderchair AFTER)