5) THE UPWARD TURN

(2 days remaining)

I have always known about the 7 stages of grief.
While I don't consciously keep track of every stage when in the midst of a predicament, I do believe that one must go though the motions in order to come out of a funk in the end.

The past year, I know I went through the first four, not in an organized order, but perhaps a series of back and forths in my daily life:
1) Shock and Denial (I still am)
2) Pain and Guilt
3) Anger and Bargaining
4) Depression, Reflection, Loneliness
http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

A month ago, I came back from a much-delayed visit to my beloved home country, the Philippines. And as always, it was a much needed visit to feed the soul. Coming back, it seems like a whole part of me inside opened up.

Everyone will tell you that Filipinos are a grateful lot. We are the culture that waved and smiled at the cameras as a coup d' etat was unfolding in the mid-80s. We are a country where peddlers sport highlights on their hair, while holding cellphones. A country where shanty squatters have cables illegally snaking up and hooking up to a nearby house. Where Christmas decor adorn even a cardboard shelter.
People who hear these things might assume we are crazy. Absolutely. But faith could also be defined as "loony". And we are a happy and faithful nation. We strongly believe without seeing. We trust that God will take care of us no matter how dire things get, for as long as we also meet Him halfway.

I kept my trip pretty simple. I wasn't there to go nightclubbing, bar-hopping, or even island hopping like I used to. This was a trip designed to spend time with loved ones. And in doing so, in sitting still, I experienced the real women of "my" Manila. Women who have always been close to my heart, and yet I have ignored just how much of a role model they played in my life. They define for me what it means to be courageous at the face of adversity. While some (like my mom), might not always be graceful about it---and she would agree---they remain strong and continue to stand tall. What these women are going through, and have gone through are far beyond what we all consider to be "problems": not having time to go to the gym, the pain of endlessly looking for the next freelance gig, of not saving enough, losing lbs, chores, and the list goes on. These women put my worries and strength to shame. To them, I look up and pray for to the heavens:

To my Tita Eca (Auntie Eca), who at her mid-70s, still giggles and smiles knowing that she has lived a full life while going through radiation therapy,
To Nancy, who shed all the comforts of her childhood luxury in order to better take care of her children,
To my mom, who within the uncertainties of her kids' careers, puts on a stylish outfit everyday to show the world that we'll be ok.
To my Tita Cel, who has proven to be a strong foundation for her children all these years, but most of all, proven to be the best friend my Tito Rody (Uncle Rody) could ever have.
To Mel, who in the face of a health battle is the one telling her friends to "have faith, God is good".

As I face the next stage of my "Turning 40 Blues"---6) Reconstruction and Working Through---I arm myself with thoughts of these women. Women who to this day are molding me into a better person as I strive to grow up like them. Women who remind me of faith in God and faith in one's self.
Even when it does sound like crazy-talk some days.