Taking My Vitamin C

(2 months and 27 days)---oh dear Lord.

I have been lazy.
I have been "so not in the mood to turn 40", let alone talk about the work I needed to do like I promised you.

While I am ashamed that it's taken me over 3 months to run another entry, I promise you I have been doing the work.
The mental, emotional and physical work.
While I was not writing about it, I was processing it all. "Living" it.

As the dawn of my 40th year draws near, many nights are filled with worries that haunt me. A general disappointment at where I am in my life and career to date. And of course this economy has been my biggest enemy lately in all matters of progress with my passions.

Some old co-worker I never really bonded with told me once that an average Asian woman long for the 3 Cs:
Cars (wealth), Carats (marriage), and Child is what I vaguely remember. All I know for sure is that in my chair I winced, and I argued with her quite a bit actually, letting her know that not all women are like this (me). In my heart, I didn't foresee myself getting there any time soon. And I was fine with it. I just couldn't relate.

Now years later, I remember that list and as I feel insecure about turning 40 about just about anything and everything, and I succumbed to reflecting about that list (and truthfully what society considers the signs of success). After being my own biggest critic, I realized that she couldn't be more opposite to me as a person. And I am not some cattle in a herd that blindly follows. (By the way, I do own an adorable Honda Fit I am in love with, but I am pretty sure she met those of the type that warms your butt with heated leather seating).

So why would I measure my life against this stick? Because it is the accepted norm I guess.
But it's not enough for me.

So let me re-jig the List of Cs for "me":
Comfort (to be able to provide for my parents and loved ones),
Calm (serenity brought on by simple living, good health and hopefully poise),
Charity (compassion for others),
Capital (for my own business in the future),
Commitment (to my true essence and perhaps in the future, with someone who is meant for me)
Courage (to face the future that is so unknown) and
Childlikeness (that giddy wonder forever)

There you go, my Cs. Now I just need to drink plenty of water, defiant as I forge ahead. And wine. And wine.